Wow that ED is a screamer!
It’s been a helluva week. Damn, really it has been a hell of a month when it has come to me struggling with this damn eating disorder. See, it’s been….well this month I’ve only managed to lose three pounds. Three measly, miniscule little pounds. (Hello, Mr. Ed. Thanks for popping your head into this post. Try to keep it to a minimum okay?) So, I’ve been struggling. A lot. I can’t seem to focus on what it is that I need to do to stay healthy. Today I’m struggling to even eat. I’ve managed two cups of coffee this morning. I tried to eat some toast but I gagged the minute it went into my mouth and I spit it out.
I’m still attending the groups every week, but ED screams constantly through those and for a good couple of hours after about how much bullshit they are feeding me. And there have been a couple of instances when I can’t keep quiet and it slips out loud and wow does that cause for a kerfuffle.
Realizing just how loudly the ED voice was, I called and made a follow up appointment with my dietitian. I think I want to talk to her more in depth about formulating a meal plan that fits ALL of my medical needs, physical and emotional.
I just can’t seem to find that balance. In order to get my hormones under control and help my body to function properly, I really need to lose weight. But I don’t know how to do that without food completely and totally taking control.
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