Discouraged, skeptical, and unsure

So, I went to the intensive outpatient group. And unfortunately, it ended up meeting a lot of the negative expectations that I had. I’m not planning on quitting, but I’m just frustrated.

It’s a BED group, and though I agree that I binge, I also have “compensatory behavior” given that I fast at least three or four times a week and severely restrict almost every other day. In other words, I don’t agree that the BED diagnosis fits me. I went into the group with an open mind that eating disorders, because they are not about food, can be treated with generally the same ideology and I would be able to benefit from the group. But I was a bit skeptical that I would be able to get the support that I was looking for from the group.

Tonight’s group felt more like recovery from Weight Watchers than anything else. There was a very large amount of talk about weights lost and gained, methods and diets followed, binge triggering foods (as in “Oh, I love XXX SO much! I could eat it by the gallon!”)

The therapist and nutritionist running the group kept redirecting it back to tonight’s discussion topic which was mindful eating, but the group was really driven to discuss the other stuff, so even during the mindful eating exercise, it was all jokes about how easy it was to just shovel the food in and no real observation of the concept.

I’m really starting to get concerned that if anything this group is going to be more triggering for me.

I know that I will go back next week, because I have made a commitment to myself that I will give this a shot.  I’m just really unsure about how effective it’s going to be for me.

Posted on 11 June '09 by Amelia, under Uncategorized.

3 Comments to “Discouraged, skeptical, and unsure”

#1 Posted by Lisa (12.06.09 at 22:24 )

Hmm. My doc was always suspicious about group therapy and support meetings, saying that “they’re only as good as the people in them.” In addition, she knew (and I knew) how competitive I can be, and that being in that environment might just teach me new “tricks.”

Maybe there is a different group? A smaller one, one with more structure and stronger leadership?

#2 Posted by eshoe (14.06.09 at 18:46 )

I really applaud you for giving it one more shot. Hopefully by next week the mods will have a better handle on how to keep the conversation more recovery oriented. I know when I was in group, we were told right off the bat the rules: no #’s, no specific foods mentioned, etc.

It was hard enough being in a room full of recovering individuals, comparing body shapes and sizes, much less inviting all that negative talk.

It sounds like you really handled it well, and you should celebrate that – it’s a victory, you know!

#3 Posted by lissy (22.06.09 at 12:22 )

have you gone to the second group yet?

groups are hard. i hope the therapists at yours can focus the group. i think all that food talk at your first meeting was avoidance — the participants don’t want to address the feeling behind the actions.

can you speak up and say that all the food talk is triggering? and you were hoping to address the emotions and behaviors instead of discussing favorite binge foods. it’s hard, i know, but i’ve learned to do it, and it often turns out that plenty of others were thinking what i was.

i never liked OA. that was triggering. and i didn’t agree with the philosophy. also, i like groups lead by therapists so all the feelings can be addressed and contained. otherwise, i can get really scared.

good luck!